a peek into summers past.

oh my goodness, i cannot believe that these photos were taken only a year ago!

hanging out in the backyard, in the peaceful countryside, soybean fields + purple flowers.

asher - just a year old, romping around in his cloth diaper, little peachy-pie hair curling in the wind,

roman - four, flying paper airplanes and always running commentary in his own little imaginative world...

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we have moved two times since then. to our little cabin house in town and now to our condo in colorado. it is just crazy to think what all can happen in a year. and yet, everything feels comfortably still the same. although they look a little younger + chubbier, the faces and personalities you see here, are just the same as the ones i am loving on today. 

asher, tearing about, arms always flailed out to the side, stopping here and there to notice nature's treasures.

and roman, leaving behind a fury of tape + paper, his mind spinning with thoughts and ideas.

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so here we are, another summer passing by, only to become another sweet long ago memory. i can already feel fall in the air, and slowly but surely we will need to start  hunkering down at home, busing ourselves with schoolwork and jobs, kindergarten at home for rome, and the never ending task of trying to entertain asher while he is climbing all over us reminding us to slow down 

because babies indeed do not keep. ;)

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p.s. thank you to those who left comments on my breastfeeding post. breastfeeding is something that i am so passionate about and i absolutely loved hearing the different takes on what breastfeeding has meant for you and your little lovely ones!

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world breastfeeding week + why i don't find judgement "natural"

( just a couple recent favorite photos of me + my current and former nurslings )

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i’m having a lot of conflicting feelings this year during world breastfeeding week. i feel like it might be safe to say that i am as or more passionate about breastfeeding as anyone. i have been breastfeeding for the past 5 years of my life which isn’t much to some people but to most people i’d say it is. that’s a lot of breastfeeding.

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breastfeeding is something that has become such a way of life for me. personally, i always knew i would breastfeed. and now, i  feel like maybe i have a million different breastfeeding topics that i could expand upon such as the many benefits of breastfeeding, my journey and struggles breastfeeding a tongue tied baby, my experience with extended breastfeeding, breastfeeding a second time around, breastfeeding + the nicu, breastfeeding + co-sleeping… and so-on and so-forth.

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breastfeeding is something that i am passionate about. that i love. that is part of me. that is part of my children. but, this year breastfeeding is bringing up a lot of of other feelings for me and one of those is the feeling of exclusion.

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in my life, i have definitely felt a lot of “exclusion” from other people when it comes to my beliefs and parenting practices. and heck, also my lifestyle in general. the list includes: getting married young, having babies young, breastfeeding, breastfeeding (albeit modestly) in public (GASP), breastfeeding my toddlers (FAINT),  sleeping with my babies, sleeping with my toddlers, delayed vaccinations/opting out of vaccinations, homeschooling, etc. sometimes this bothers me a lot. it bothers me that people feel that they can say whatever they want to say to me about my choices when i haven't said anything to them. this really bothers me in any situation. i cannot imagine opening my mouth and judging someone so openly. so harshly. i’m sure all mothers can relate to me here.  there is just something about becoming a mother that opens you up to this world of everyone telling you what to do and most importantly what you are doing wrong. I will never understand this. never, never  - never.

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and then there is the exclusion on the other side. i attended a breastfeeding event recently in my new town which is where this observation really stood out to me. one part of me was very happy to be attending this event. it was something special that i had planned to do with my littlest son. it was fun to be around a lot of people who shared in my beliefs and to be in a place where i did not have to feel excluded. however, it also made me feel uneasy. it made me feel uneasy to be in a place where women who don’t breastfeed or can’t breastfeed wouldn’t feel welcome.  a place where you would feel guilty if you planned a natural childbirth but ended up with a c-section. a place where you might want to run and hide before whipping out the disposable diapers from your bag when all the other babies were wearing cloth.

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i know that we “hippie” moms like to think of ourselves as being so “natural”. i am pretty obsessed with the word natural come to think of it. but i never want judgement to come "naturally" to me either. that's when i know something is wrong with the way i'm viewing motherhood.

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obviously,  i am passionate about breastfeeding and i believe that “breast milk is best". i would love to inspire other women and help them to be able to feel that they too can choose breastfeeding for their families. however, i do not believe it is the end all. i do not believe that i am the best mother. not at all. i have so many limitations and weaknesses as a mother.
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i guess what i'm trying to say, is that even though people have definitely made me feel excluded because of my parenting choices, i never want to make someone else feel that way. i’m so thankful that i have been able to connect with mothers out there who are doing things all different ways and i’m thankful that they have felt that they could connect with me as well. each one of these mothers i admire for different reasons. i am thankful for their kind comments to me, and i am thankful that they have never made me feel excluded. let’s all please continue to be friends and build each other up. that is what i want most of all.

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i have a lot of work to do to become more of the person that i want to be and of course i'm not sure what the answer is. i'm not saying that the event i attended was a "bad thing" or that i will never attend an event like that again. these are just the thoughts that are accompanying my mind as i celebrating nursing and what it has meant for my babies and myself.

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we all have a different story as it relates to feeding our babies. for me, it has been exclusive breastfeeding at birth and extended breastfeeding against societal norms for both of my boys. there have been great joys and also struggles. this year, during world breastfeeding week,  i would love to hear what role breastfeeding has played in your life, if any, and what it has meant for you :)
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(asher, breastfeeding, november 2012)

"peekaboo"

"peekaboo!"

love, asher ;)

foothill hikes + time with my littlest.

(photo of asher and i taken by a girl who offered to take our photo as she was running by!)
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the other day, in hopes of getting some nice photos of asher, i packed him up for a little hike in the foothills by our house.
it's amazing how peaceful and quiet it was there, just he and i.

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away from his brother and out in nature where this boy belongs,
he was calm and gentle and quiet as a mouse.
he stopped to notice all the bike riders and all the runners (rummm! he says)

and stopped to notice each tiny ant on the ground.
and of course, he carefully selected rocks to throw into the brush.

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watching my sensitive and passionate newly two year old stop to do all his baby-turning-boy things,

 i stopped to remember in my heart the great love that i have for this soft, wonderful, darling second baby of mine.

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as we headed back, he pressed his body against mine as i carried him, and we silently enjoyed our last drops of peace and beauty and wonder together. 

tucking it somewhere in our hearts, 

to keep.

before heading back to the chaos and noise 

that is our everyday normal around here. ;)

happy things.

i feel like i have much to write about and many pictures to sort through and share.

not to mention lots of things to do; like organize my house + figure things out for the fall.

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for now i just want to share a few of the happy things in my life right now:

witnessing my baby discover two. i have never actually felt happy about either of my boys turning a year older, but i am genuinely so pleased and proud to watch asher become two :)

watching this brother relationship grow.

it's still rough waters over here between these two a lot of the time. but with all the change in our family and with asher getting just a little bit older, i have seen so much goodness + closeness between these two lately :)

i have to remind myself during the frustrating moments, that being able to see love unfold between my children is wonderful and worth it.

finishing up this session on my photography blog.

because i absolutely adore these portraits + because finally seeing the finished product of a photo shoot does an artist's soul good.

(photo from our trip to the smokey mountains before the move)
when asher sleeps in the car! with all the traveling + driving that we've done lately - you can only imagine how wonderful it is when this wild and spunky little boy is fast asleep in the backseat.
bliss.
 asher sleeping, roman playing quietly, starbucks in hand + the radio turned up: these have been some of the best moments in my life lately.
worst moment you ask? driving to find something on a craigslist ad, getting lost, asher screaming bloodly murder because he wants "out", roman screaming because asher is screaming... and basically many variations on that theme that have played themselves out in our car over the past month ;)

all the new beauty out here. mountains, wildflowers, rainbows, and big skies. i love being able to live right by the foothills of the mountains ;)

this husband of mine - who always works hard to make our lives cushy and comfortable.

i can always depend on him :)

i have known aaron for thirteen years now, and it's just plain crazy.
here's to many more years + many more adventures + many more happy things to have
and cherish together. :)
what are your happy things right now?

friday!

just a couple quick photos of my little boys,

with the aspen tress

on their great-grandparents' back porch.

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happy friday everyone!
this weekend we will be traveling back to my grandparents' house again for a night of visiting/playing/doing yard work and ... watching HGTV when the boys are asleep of course!

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we are still hunting for jobs.
and spending lots of time on the free section of craigslist!

man, i think we have hit the jackpot of all cities when it comes to the free stuff people are giving away here!

other than that, it's still days full of park + library visits and little boys playing in laundry baskets with toys strewn all over the living room floor!

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man i feel like a little kid in the midst of summer. i know that work and school will bring good things like more structure and productivity to our days (oh, and money.) but i'm just not ready to give up the good life yet!
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vote for me today??
 

roap trip / new life adventures.

well, we are finally settling down in our new home. the past couple weeks have definitely been packed full. it is crazy to me that we only left our last home less than three weeks ago! during that time, we have embarked on a three day road trip from ohio to colorado staying overnight in kansas city, misouri + colby, kanas, settled in at my grandparents’ house, toured many condos, taken two 90 mile trips to the city we are now living in, stayed in another hotel for a couple nights while aaron had orientation for school, did a lot of yard work, bought a condo, managed to collectively as a family to break a weed whacker, two glasses and a massive glass coffee table at my grandparents’ house, watched a lot of house hunters, bought a loveseat at a thrift store and moved in to our new home.
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it has all been a mixture of many emotions. i think the hardest part for me right now is actually settling down. the roadtrip did my gypsy heart much good and now the task of finding jobs and figuring out school schedules all seems a little too realistic and responsible and ... real life to me. of course these things are necessary to life and they too are good. but these weeks of traveling and wandering around and doing as we please, yeah they have been good as well :)
i just wanted to share a little bit of our journey with you all! i have so much going through my mind and so much to say about it all. but here is just a little taste via some of my instagram photos!
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you can find more by following me on instagram @bygillianclaire

our first stop 200 miles in at a gas station in martinsville, illinois

rest stop in selina, kansas for stuffed animals, starbucks + wendy's.

a glimpse into our very packed and getting messier by the day car // my sleeping mama's boy :)

a rainstorm as we were arriving at my grandparents' house // condo shopping

evergreen, colorado fun
roman playing soccer at the playground near my grandparents' house // view of the foothills less than a mile from our new condo // target shopping for new towels + pillows on our first night in our new home // roman in our empty future bedroom!