ten percent.

last night was filled with all these great dreams. i mean really, great dreams. i dreamed that i was fourteen again and hugging aaron goodbye at church camp. we slipped notes into each other's pockets. i felt filled with that girly feeling of falling in love. then it fast forwarded to a dream where asher was a newborn. he was wearing a little striped outfit and i was holding him, all curled up, in front of the window, and saying to myself in my head, "remember this moment. because the rest of your life you will miss this."

today i'm at the coffee shop with my boys while aaron works down the street. i really have everything i've ever wanted. the boy who i daydreamed of eleven years ago is now my husband. i have a little four year old artist boy. who says to me, "mama, would you like to go to the coffee shop with me today?" who brings his little bag of art supplies in with him. 

i have my teeny chubby roly poly baby, who i hoped and prayed for. who wears his brother's hand me downs. he smells like a cabbage patch baby and smiles without me even having to ask.

i wish i could always remind myself of this.

90 percent of my life feels like pure chaos. breastfeeding on the floor in front of the space heater in a freezing house. surrounded by a huge mess. piles of laundry that will get worn without ever being folded. exhausted with dirty hair. feeling like i can't accomplish anything.

yeah, that's about 90 percent of my life.

but i guess it's this,

watching roman light up when he sees the chalkboard wall in the bathroom at the coffee shop,

sipping a caramel iced coffee next to my sleeping little cherub baby asher,

this golden 10 percent is what keeps me going.
and reminds me that this is all i've ever wanted.

asher and i amidst the chaos.

more fall photos.

these photos of ash propped up on my legs ending up being my favorite that i got of him when i took the boys out for a little fall photoshoot.

mmm - missing that warm weather...

                                                  worn out from a little tummy time :)

brothers.

you wouldn't beleive how many pictures i have of roman looking like he is going to eat asher. in fact i even have one just like this when asher is still in my tummy!

taken the night of roman's birthday party. 

aaron said, "let's get a picture of the boys together!"

and this is what followed... :)

happy birthday.

four years ago, i gave birth to my first son.

in the middle of the night- exactly how i imaged it. 

roman, i'll never forget the moment i met you,

a perfect purple bundle.

i'll never forget the way your tounge looked in your mouth as you cried.

you've taught me everything i know as a mother.

you've given me passion for things i never really thought of before you.

in an instant, you completely changed my life.

last night we spent time laughing together in bed.

i was soaking in your sweetness and three year old-ness.

i get totally sentimental every year when you are about to get older.

i don't ever want to say goodbye to any of your cuddly baby ways.

i've completely enjoyed being your mother.

thank you for teaching me everyday about true love and respect.

i love you moon.

change.

this week, it seemed like asher just instantly changed into another baby. he started sitting up by himself! He still needs assistance sometimes or to be propped a little, but he’s getting there:) in the same day, he rolled over from him tummy to his back in front of our bedroom mirror several times. it was so sweet, i would cheer for him when he got to his back and then he’d smile and do it again. he actually rolled over at seven weeks old a couple times, but i haven’t seen it since! that night, he decided he wanted to sit in my lap while i read stories in bed with roman so that he could try to grab at the book and bang on the pictures. normally, he lays quietly between roman and i during stories and just contentedly stares at the pictures. all week, he's been surprising me by doing cute things like grabbing my water cup towards his mouth while he sits in my lap and reaching both of his little arms out towards his brother's toys. It’s just amazing how quickly babies change and grow.

fall photoshoot.

i was able to get roman pretty genuinely excited about this photoshoot. unfortunately i didn't get to incorporate all of his ideas, which included he and his daddy dressing up as pirates...

roman loves these old cheap thrift store cameras that i found. he loves pretending to take pictures :)

getting ready for his fourth birthday party tomorrow!

yikes, where does the time go?

stripes.

aaron + asher.

 applebees.

we went on a little date and took our nursling along :)