nineteen months.
oh my.
facing the reality that nineteen months has
passed since asher's birth is simply unreal. just a moment ago i was folding
tiny newborn gowns + reading spiritual midwifery in the sunshine on the back
porch, preparing for a new little life. and now, over a year and a half later -
our asher is almost a little boy. pushing his chair up to the sink so that he
can grab my yesterday's coffee that sits inside. taking liberties to take his
own diaper off when it's time for a change, singing the "mama" song
that he composed himself, counting to three in his own little way. closer to
two than one.
when the days were slower and asher was
itty bitty, i often used to talk to him at night as he nursed to sleep about
when he came into my life. i'd pet and kiss his sweet little head and apologize
for not being there during that first week when he stayed in the nicu. one of his doctor's told me during that week,
that soon asher would be home and healthy and the time in the nicu would seem
distant and brief. in a way that is not true to me. it’s true that one week is
a short amount of time, but that was OUR first week. there is something so
wrong about a mother and baby being separated at birth. even though i was able
to spend much time with him, provide all of his milk for him, and was lucky
that his stay was so short - there are still moments that we were robbed from.
sometimes now at bedtime, i still go back to the beginning. i tell asher how
much he means to me. nineteen months later i am still thankful that God
answered my prayers and healed asher. that first week was hard, but for every
first moment that was lost, i've now had nineteen months of asher in my arms
each and every night to make up for it. and for that i will always be grateful.
