flashback.

(roman, 2009)

it seems like just yesterday it was this guy who was my little toddler running around. and asher was just a name and a dream in a notebook somewhere. i'm realizing just how different your first and second baby really are. at least it has been different for me. when roman was a toddler, he was my only and my everything. we lived in a one bedroom apartment and everything had a place. we took little adventures together, taking photos, going to the park, walking to daddy's work, picking dandelions and putting them in a basket. life was so much slower and roman was our world and our every moment. looking back i feel like i was just a girl playing house.

with the second baby, i feel like we are a real family and there are all sorts of real life family things going on. asher doesn't get every moment of my attention and it's going by super super fast. last night i took asher to the grocery by myself. i hardly ever go anywhere with just him. it was nice to be able to focus on my asher. it was so sweet to look at my second baby, sitting in the cart, wearing his brother's hand me downs and jibber jabbering away. later, asher and i spent some more alone time together while aaron + roman went to town. i gave him his first haircut in the bath and we playing with a little car together. i was so thankful for this time with my littlest. sometimes it is unsettling to me that i don't get to spend all my attention on asher like i was able to with roman for three years. i feel the need for everything to slow down so that i can get it all right, all these memories and moments. so yesterday it was nice to take a time out from everything family and have a few moments alone with  my littlest. to remember how special and perfect and wonderful he is, and how much i longed and wanted and waited for him.