one month.

well this little guy is one month old now. it's just as crazy as i imagined it would be. one day i'm pregnant, the next day he's here, and i can't imagine that he ever wasn't. i can't beleive 5 weeks ago he was kicking around inside of me. i can't beleive i gave birth already. i can't beleive i have two babies now.

i don't understand how these things happen. i'm married, i have a baby, i have another. snap snap snap. i guess i'm growing up.

today, as i drove asher and roman to asher's one month doctor check up, the song "Stronger" by Mandisa came on the radio. this song seemed to become really popular during this past spring, when i was pregnant with asher, and driving to school an hour away two days a week. the lyrics of this song have always made think of childbirth. i have so many memories of driving to school in the rain, tearing up as i sang this song. imagining pushing my baby out into the water, and meeting his perfectness for the first time.

so today, i heard it again. this time with my TWO babies in the backseat. asher's here, and he's perfect. i was filled with joy singing the words,

" The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger "

 thinking about asher's birth. how i got the beautiful uninvasive childbirth that i so dreamed of. this song means so much to me. it reminds me not only of the wonderful births of my babies, but of my place in life right now. my pregnancy was such a struggle in a lot of ways. both physically and emotionally. tears just poured from my eyes as i thought of the place i was 2 months ago, and the place i am now. God has answered so many prayers in my life. i still have so many struggles, but God is so redeeming and this song reminds me how he has worked through my life:

"Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares"

Stronger by Mandisa.